The true essence of communication is one of exchange of ideas and opinions. Going back to this essence will do the trick with your adolescent. To find out how he/she feels about a situation you are to hear beyond his/her words. Answers like, "Nothing", "I don't know", "I am fine", may indicate "I don't know how to express my thoughts or feelings". Asking open ended questions would lead your teenager to find answers and understand their feelings about different situations.
"Whatever you say", "You just don't understand", are the typical expressions of a teen that feels that his/her parents are treating him/her as a child ,that he/she has no saying in matters that concern him/her, and that regardless of what it is said, parents are not listening.
As an exercise, when your child gives you these answers, relive the conversation in your mind and ask yourself where did you cut him/her off, when did you stopped listening to his/her side of the story and you will understand the message you are sending . If you can not see it clearly, go ahead and ask your teenage child directly. Open yourself for him/her to feel comfortable about talking to you. The minute he/she starts trusting your genuine interest, you will find out that it will be easier for you to get responses from your adolescent.
Ever heard the expression, "It is not what you say, but how you say it"?. How you say it can give your teen a sense of understanding and support or a sense of disappointment or anger about what they did, or about what they are about to do.
Teenagers are in transition, they are not children anymore, they are not adults yet. They are in the process of becoming young adults, finding their identity, and learning to express themselves. Lets guide them with our example.
On next week's blog, you will find more answers to this issue.
